3.29.2013

True Confession: I Cried at the Gym


Yup. You read that title right. I bawled my eyes out last night...
At the gym. 
In front of everyone. 

To make a long story short, I failed at something yesterday. And it totally sucked.

I'm not a big crier so, to me, this is kind of a big deal. I probably cry maybe five times a year (and I'm not counting those times I tear up for a sappy commercial or a heartfelt romcom, those aren't real cries). But serious cries are usually the result of death, pain, or an emotional breakdown typically induced by exhaustion.

So which category did last night's fall into? Most definitely it was an emotional breakdown induced by exhaustion. 
I've mentioned before, I'm a very competitive person. That competitiveness lives and breaths in me every moment of every day...it actually can be quite annoying. Sometimes I have to just stop myself and say, "Why the hell are you trying to speed-walk race this granny down the street?" Just stop Marissa. 

One of the reason's I fell for CrossFit was because it fed my competitiveness. It made me want to be stronger, faster, and tougher. Every day at the gym is a challenge and I'm so far ahead of where I started a year and 71 days ago. So I know I have so much to be proud of and grateful for. 

However, yesterday's failure hit me hard. I've been talking about this damn toes to bar goal for months now, and I really thought yesterday was going to be my day. I had my husband there, cheering me on, praying for me to get it. My coaches standing by, ever patient and encouraging. I had the positive mantra in my head going "you can do it, you can do it" and friends yelling out affirmations of my ability. 

But alas, I couldn't. And then it felt like I let everyone down. 

And then I cried. 

And then they comforted me. 

*Thanks husband - you're the best and I love you dearly. You're my biggest cheerleader and you know exactly when to push me hard, and when to lay off. Thanks Coach Paul and Papa D for your encouragement and faith in me. Thanks Leslie for your empathy and honesty.*

The bottom line is, that someday very soon I'll get my toes to hit that freaking bar, and it's going to feel like I saved the world. So I'll be spending a little time every day working towards that moment. Then after I do it, I'll set another goal and maybe it will be just as frustrating of a journey to accomplish it, but someday I will. 

That's just how it goes, and endless cycle of making goals and conquering them. But none of this would be worth it without the support of my family and friends. I want to hit these goals not just for myself, but for them too. Because honestly, what's the fun in celebrating an accomplishment by yourself? 

Happy weekend lovers. No crying. 

Fun tidbit: A while back I posted about how women should start lifting more weights, at the bottom was a link to an article about the ten things women weight lifters should know. In all fairness, that article did warn me that I would cry in the gym...and I chose to ignore it. It's real ladies. It's real. 

4 comments:

  1. Have you knocked this one out of the park yet? Enjoy the blog, we will have to talk sometime about this as I'm in the infancy stages of my own.

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    Replies
    1. Lol well....not knocked out of the park yet. I can do individual T2Bs but still working on stringing them together. But hey, that day that the toes actually hit the bar was a pretty good feeling after this drama during the open :)

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